Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
