That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
