he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
