Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
