I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
