I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
