Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
