I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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