The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
