I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize