look no pants
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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