i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
