I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
you never un-have a 4some
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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