Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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