I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
