we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
