I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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