Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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