College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I am midnight drunk by noon
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
