i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
