I hate your face
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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