i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
