You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
