6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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