what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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