I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
