I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
