please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
