We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
