we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
