I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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