I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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