do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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