as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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