last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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