Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
