my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
