I bet he comes in French.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
