Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
4 words: hood of his car
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
