I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
