Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
