i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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