I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
