Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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