He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
