you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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