So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
