I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
