Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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