Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
