Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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