I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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