if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
wow bdsm is so cute
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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