I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's no shave November. This is our time.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
