the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
